The Breakfast Ball Buffet: Inaugural Edition

Good morning, welcome to the Breakfast Ball Buffet - where we serve up an all-you-can eat spread of golf news!

Let’s take a look at our inaugural menu:

• Peter Malnati wins the Valspar: recap

• JT’s putting & beer-chugging woes

• Tiger’s back

• Rahm’s Masters champions dinner menu

• Donald Trump is a club champion

• Happy Gilmore 2 is in the works

Peter Malnati wins the Valspar: recap

The entire world and their mothers had a Cam Young outright bet for the Valspar, but he got outlasted by Peter Malnati.

Young’s tournament-closing inability, along with Malnati’s newfound tournament-closing ability, and also the rules of golf being, in simple terms, stupid, allowed for the latter of the two to reign victorious.

At the time, Young was -500 to win the golf tournament and Malnati was tied for the lead, but had a difficult up-and-down left on the 16th hole.

He was able to move from a buried lie in the rough to the fringe, and saved his par with ease.

He ended up beating Young by 2, who by the way, now officially has the most runner-up finishes of any player without a win in the last 40 years.

Every now and then, the rules of golf have a way of pissing everyone off (even though every pro golfer would, and should take the beneficial drop when they can).

JT’s putting and beer-chugging woes

JT was the outright betting favourite going into the weekend, but decided to putt with his eyes closed on Saturday and shot 79.

He lost over 7 strokes on the greens that day, which made it literally one of the worst putting rounds in PGA TOUR history. See for yourself:

He was also in New York City, where he attended Knicks and Rangers games in back-to-back nights.

Let’s just say he’s a better golfer than beer-chugger:

Tiger’s back

Here’s the Tiger scoop for the week:

1. He met, and played golf with Yasir Al-Rumayyan (governor of the PIF) in the Bahamas last Monday to discuss a PGA-LIV merger and the future of golf.

2. Someone snapped a pic of him walking to his yacht at Albany, and he was looking HUGE:

   

3. He’s listed The Masters field. Never in doubt. So back.

Rahm’s Masters champions dinner menu

Jon Rahm’s Champions Dinner menu dropped, and it looks unreal.

I thought Hideki’s was one of the best ever, but this one will surely compete.

Below are the last three Champions Dinner menus — you be the judge of which is best:

Donald Trump is a club champion

In other “relevant” golf news, Trump won the club championship at Trump International Palm Beach last week.

It’s a hilarious clip. Apparently he’s a rock solid golfer, especially for a 77 year old.

From the odd putting stroke to a member yelling “ONE TIME! ONE TIME!!! HOLY SH!T HE MADE IT!!!”, it’s a 10/10 video.

President Biden made sure to extend him a very heartfelt congratulations.

Happy Gilmore 2 is in the works

If true, one thing is certain: the cast has to look like ↓

Weekly golf stocks

We’ve got the Houston Open this week on the PGA TOUR, and Scottie opened as an egregious favourite.

For obvious reasons, Scottie Scheffler is scorching hot at the moment. Coming off back-to-back wins in huge events, and currently +260 to win the Houston Open — this one’s a no brainer (we put our money where our mouth is below).

Also for obvious reasons, JT is ice cold thanks to his woes. After following up an all-time bad putting performance with a lacklustre beer chug, he’ll be living in the cold section for a little while.

Last but not least, Jordan Spieth. DQ-T30-MC-MC has him hanging with his best bud Justin in the ice cold section.

Buffet betting corner

In this new segment - we’ll be betting $100 on PGA and LIV events each week. Follow along as we win or (more likely) lose our money. Feel free to back or fade us as you please!

Our bets for this week:

• $25 on Will Zalatoris (+1800) to win outright - it’s time.

• $25 on The Scheff (+260) to win outright - feels dumb to bet against him at this point… even with these terrible odds.

• $50 Akshay Bhatia (-115) over K.H. Lee in a 72 hole matchup - big Akshay fans — betting with the heart this week.

Quick bites 🥓 :

Padraig Harrington attempts the Scheffler Shuffle

Patrick Reed gives fellow LIV-er a wedge lesson

Angel Cabrera is denied Visa - won’t play in the Masters

It’s finally acceptable to download the Masters app

If you did it before today, that’s acceptable too, but you’re just a hardo (guilty). 14 days until Masters week ⏰

See you in a few days for some more juicy golf news!